


The night is dark and cold

by Ilyasviel



Series: Mass Effect Writing Circle [5]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 12:39:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12631245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilyasviel/pseuds/Ilyasviel
Summary: Shepard has just wake up for those unbelievable two years of being dead. Her body can be awake and kicking, but her mind is still fighting against death and the memories of the skies over Alchera... Waking up in the middle of the night, she finds refuge in the same place as always, beside her pilot.





	The night is dark and cold

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt throw at me by the lovely @ShakenVeil on tumblr ^^
> 
> Wrote during the MEWC, so no hard editing on it ;) if you find any attack against the English grammar, let me know and I will correct it ^_^ 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

Darkness. Suffocating and frightening darkness. Death gripping her heart while she drifts away from him. Shepard remembers clearly his face framed in the tiny window of the escape pod door. The pain was written on his face, she swore that she could hear his screams while she was pushed away from the wreckage. The sound of her own anguished cries awakes her. Bending her legs, she hides her face between the knees, trying to stop the tears that flow freely from her eyes.

Shepard didn't know how long has she been just sitting and crying her pain away, but it has left her with a mix of relief and sadness. Standing up from the bed, she takes the few steps that separate the bed from the bathroom. Damn Cerberus and their idea of making her room big as a little apartment on Earth. Loneliness is even greater with this much space just for her... Taking a look at the reflection in the mirror, she feels like crying again. She didn't recognise herself in that image. Her hair is way too long, the curls falling everywhere around her face. The scar that has accompanied her since the Blitz has gone. Her lips are whole again; no trace of the wound she suffered on her first mission after joining the Alliance. And the red new ones... the scars that let her see how few of a human being is hiding under her skin. She needs to move. There is a lot of work to do, colonies to protect, a galaxy to save. With a sigh, she closes her eyes before opening the tap and washing her face with cold water. After drying her skin with a towel, she uses her fingers to put some order on the curly hair before leaving the room. Walking the empty hallways of a ship always have brought some kind of peace to her mind, and is what she plans to do. The elevator just needs a couple of seconds to appear on her floor, and she pushes the CIC deck.

As she expected, the deck is utterly deserted, but not as silent as one can imagine. The soft sound of music fills the silence. Violins, cellos, piano, beautiful tones that make goosebumps appear on her skin. Knowing that there is only one person who can be awake this late beside her, she walks decidedly to the bridge. The door is closed, but the sound filter through it, reaching her like a caress while she decides to open the door or leave him be. But the voice of the IA intrudes the music when she warns Joker about her presence outside. Rolling her eyes, Shepard pushes the control of the door and is greeted by Joker, who has made his chair turn to face the door, and wears an exhausted smile on her face. "Hey, Commander, what's up?"

She steps inside, smiling softly at him. "Not much to tell. Care if I join you for a while?"

Joker nods at her before adjusting his cap and turning the chair to face the ship's controls again. "‘It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway, we can keep one another company."

To his surprise, Shepard didn't go to the copilot seat. Instead, she sits on the floor, shoulder resting on his leg while she hugs her knees. The blue orb of EDI is still shining on the corner. Wanting a bit of peace for some minutes, Shepard decides to pull her strings. "EDI, activate private mode in this room until further notice, and lock the door too."

"Understood Commander. Login you out." After the blue light of the IA disappears from the bridge, the room is almost in darkness. The only light shining is the one from the controls and the emergency lights near the door. With a sigh, Shepard leans her head on Joker's leg and just stays there, hearing the soft music. Several minutes pass and none of them says a single word to break the moment. But then, in the few seconds, that silence fills the cockpit when the songs end and the next begins, Joker hears something he didn't know possible. Shepard is sobbing almost silently. His hand moves instinctively to her head, making her jump slightly just before breaking completely, openly crying while hiding her face in Joker's leg. "Command--  
Leah, whats the matter? Talk to me, please."

She needs some time to control her feelings, but finally gets a hold of herself, sitting back and wiping away the tears from her face with the back of her hands. "Who am I, Jeff?" Her voice is barely a whisper over the sad song in the background.

Joker's hand returns to her head, fingers delving in her curls until he reaches her nape, and forces her to look at him. Leaning closer to her, he wipes the new tears with his thumb. "You are you, Leah. Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, Hero of the Blitz, Goddaughter of Admiral Hackett. Leah Jane Shepard. My Commander."

Closing her eyes, she fights back some more tears biting her lower lip, but Joker will not buy it, and pushes her chin down with his thumb, making her eyes snap open and fix in him before begin watering again. Taking off his cap, he puts in her head before sitting back and using the controls of the chair to lower it. "Come here, I can't sit with you on the ground, but you can sit here with me. Don't know about yourself, but I really can use a hug right now." Shepard didn't wait for a single second before standing up and sitting on his legs, hiding her face in his neck when he surrounds her with his strong arms. The next minutes are used to calm her nerves, with soft caresses of his hands on her back. When he feels her breathing even, and the grip on his uniform loosen a bit, he moves one of his hands to her hair again, using it to move her face until he can look directly into her reddened eyes. "Talk to me, Leah."

With a defeated sigh, she closes her eyes before answering him. "I don't know who I am anymore. I lost everything that made me myself, every single bit of my past has been erased."

"Not everything. I know I'm not as cool as a scar from your heroic deed during the Blitz, but I'm still here. And I will be until you ask me to go. I can repeat all your records daily if this is what you need to stop doubting."

Another sigh, and this time she forces him to let her go to lower her face and fix her gaze on her hands, resting on Joker's chest. "And how can you be so sure that I'm me and not an invention from Cerberus?"

A soft chuckle from the pilot makes Shepard turn to look at him, only to find him smiling broadly to her while one of his hands takes off the cap and let it fall to the ground beside the chair. "Easiest answer of the day, Leah." And without any other warning, he closes the distance to her face, sealing their mouths together. She just needs some heartbeats to kiss him back, and soon they are kissing away the pain from one another. When she breaks the kiss to catch some air, he snuggles her nose with his, smiling happily when she returns the gesture. "Yeah, definitely my Leah."

"So sure about it and this is the second time we kiss in what, almost three years for you?"

His hands move to cup her face lovingly, thumbs drawing little circles on her cheeks, "I replayed it in my mind every single night from the past two years. The memory of your kiss, the softness of your lips, the silky texture of your hair... every tiny detail about you showed on my mind every night before I dream about you. Of course, I know this is YOU, and only you." When she begins to cry again, he fears having said something wrong, but she was smiling, and one of her now soft hands joined his on her face, leaning on his palm. Closing the distance to her face again, his lips brush against hers when he talks, "It always has been you. Even before I knew you and our paths crossed. I've been waiting for you all my life, Leah. But now that you are back, I don't want to wait anymore." His kisses are the sweetest ones Shepard ever have, melting her heart with every touch of his lips, every tickling sensation from his beard. Breaking the kiss, he sits back, looking intently into her eyes, "I know I'm not the best option out there. I will never join you in a fight, never will dance with you, and I know you can't walk proudly beside me--"

Using a finger, Shepard silences him, shaking her head. "I don't need another warrior, Jeff. I need a friend, someone to hold me at night when the demons come for me, who makes me laugh even in the darkest moments and know how to wash away my pain with some words or a touch. Besides, I will walk proudly with you, anywhere, anytime. You are one of the strongest men I ever met." Using the armbraces of the chair as leverage, she moves until she is straddling him, hands on his neck and chest. "You are my only one. From the first time I met you, since the first time I put my eyes on you, a little voice in my head keeps repeating _'He is the one'._ "

His gasp catches her by surprise, and she follows his arm down, where he sees his fingers pinching his leg. When she returns her gaze to him with a raised brow, he chuckles before moving the same hand to her waist. "Remember how I told you about how I can't sleep? Well, all this conversation seemed too good to be true, and I needed to check it wasn't a dream."

The pain from her dream and her doubts are washed away easily by the shared warm feeling of their love. Because none of them is stubborn enough to try to deny it. She leans closer to him, fingertips playing with the hair of his beard while her lips ghost over his mouth. "Then, Mister Moreau, seeing that we don't have any intention to sleep... do you mind if we spend the night in my quarters? I may need a hand to reacquaintance myself with this new body of mine."

"Aye aye, Commander."

Morning finds them laying on Shepard's bed, with her head resting on his shoulder while he plays with her curly hair. The room was depressing some hours ago, now, with him on it, and their clothes decorating the furniture, it feels like home. Shepard has come back.


End file.
